Apple Cadavers

Apple Cadavers

Regular price $8.99 USD
Regular price $10.99 USD Sale price $8.99 USD
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Apple Cadavers—DeathHydra’s hauntingly delicious dehydrated apple slices. Nothing added, nothing fake—just deathly good flavor. Crafted for those who crave pure fruit flavor with a wicked twist.

💀 Pure Dried Apple Slices – No added sugar, just naturally sweet and crisp.

💀 No Artificial Junk – 100% real fruit, nothing weird.

💀 Sinisterly Snackable – Perfect for work, the gym, or everyday mischief.

Benefits

These apples are gently air-dried into chewy, tangy slices — no sulfur, no sugar, and definitely no ghost particles. Just clean bites from the Warden’s orchard, preserved with minimal regrets and maximum flavor.

How to Use

Because yes, apparently you need instructions for this.

  • Pop the lid. Insert slice. Chew. Fear nothing.
  • Leave a piece under your pillow. If it’s gone in the morning… run.
  • Add to oatmeal, trail mix, or cheese boards. Or eat them in the dark like a weirdo.
  • A perfect offering for kids, coworkers, or spectral hitchhikers.
  • Best enjoyed when the moon is high and your regrets are low.

Return Policy

Look, we get it. Maybe you weren’t ready for this level of flavor.

Unfortunately, returning a snack you already consumed is... complicated (digestive rituals are non-refundable). But hey, we’re not total monsters, email us and we’ll see if we can uncurse the situation.

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  • Apples

    Picked before the orchard fell silent.

  • Lemon Juice

    Pressed at dawn to seal the taste

  • Ritual of Preservation

    Low-temp sorcery to lock in life… and flavor.

Why Choose DeathHydra Apples?

Rich in Fiber

Keeps your gut healthy and digestion smooth—without the mush. Dehydrated apples retain all the fiber, minus the juice.

Packed with Antioxidants

Polyphenols and flavonoids help fight inflammation and oxidative stress. Drying doesn’t destroy them. You still get the anti-doom boost.

Heart-Healthy Compounds

Apples help lower bad cholesterol and regulate bloodpressure. Still effective when dried—because apples never die, they just transform.

Vitamin C Power

Supports immunity and skin health. While some Vitamin C is sensitive to heat, much remains intact—especially in low-temp dehydration.

Natural Energy Source

Fructose + fiber = slow-release energy. With water gone, each bite is a concentrated blast of fuel.

Features
DeathHydra
Other Brands, maybe... probably...
Chewy, addictive texture
Bone Checkmark
Freeze-dried styrofoam vibes
Zero added sugar
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Sugar-soaked to fake freshness
Clean, pronounceable ingredients
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Preservatives & mystery flavors
Nutrient retention
Bone Checkmark
Nuked in the name of shelf life
No preservatives
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Spoiler alert: they hide them well
Bold, punchy flavor
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Bland or weirdly sweet
Shelf-stable without compromise
Bone Checkmark
 Long-lasting... for all the wrong reasons
Actually plant-based
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 "Natural" doesn’t mean what you think
Rebellious branding you’ll remember
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Generic & forgettable